1 Grrl's Quest:Being The Best Bond Grrl I Can Be

It's Me

2007-11-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

OK, I'm sure no one's out there but if you are HEEEYY!!

It's been too long since I've posted a blog I really feel shamed... :-( I haven't been missing completely from blog land I read all my favorites all the time.

I've been doing well though. Still working, my daughter is doing good she's ten now, James and I are still going strong so I'm happy. I felt the need to blog since a while ago I complained so hard about being 30. Well, I've crossed over (as my James' brother put it) with my good health, in my right mind, and blessed with wonderful family and friends.

So what's been going on with the Baby Bond Girl you ask???? Let's see:

As I said I turned 30 this past Friday on the 9th and had the best time of my life. James took me on a 7 day Car.ni.val Cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, Grand Cayman Island, and Ocho Rios, Jamaica. We celebrated the whole week long. I can't tell y'all how much fun I had. MRS. P, her sister and their men came too. It was non-stop fun, although James and I did have enough alone time ;-)

James and I are building our 1st home together!!! It should be complete by the first of the year. There is so much detail that goes into building and designing a house its got our heads spinning. We are having a lot fun and ours kids and family are happy for us. We just feel so blessed to be able to make such an accomplishment. Now for those who are wondering, no we aren't married not even "engaged", but we will be and Soli (my legal counsel) has set me straight on the ways to protect myself.

Over the time I've been blogging I've met some of the most amazing people. My Blogger Fam

are great people, three of my favorite are, my Bond Mama, Soli; Ali's Zay; and Urban Butterfly. All of them are very talented, kind hearted and just wonderful people. Soli and Zay are now PUBLISHED authors. I have both of their books, and let me tell you that you should buy these books, one for yourself and another for family and friends. Visit their blogs to get more info, you wont be disappointed! UB, is one of the most talented poets that I've known. It's should only be a matter of time before I buy her book too:) Their links are to the right. Bye-bye for now.

OK, I'm posting a few pics of my trip enjoy....

~Mica~

Me on deck reading my "Bond Girl Manual"
James & I in Mexico

Mrs. P & Hubby, Me & James, Sister & BF

10 Things

2007-01-24T16:18:00.000-06:00

1. I think everyone who knows me knows that I can’t dance but loves to try:-)). I am the blackest person you’ll ever meet that can’t keep a beat. I don’t know what happen either; I could dance until I was a freshman in high school. I think I jinx myself when I was about 9 or 10, because I used to laugh at how my older sister danced and now I dance just like her. heehee

2. I am a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, lover, and friend. I work hard at what I do too.

3. My favorite perfume is Cashmere Mist. It’s a soft feminine fragrance and the only one of 1000 that I have that my James has acknowledged.

4. I love Music from the 70’s and 80’s. Especially something I can groove too. (inside joke, see #1) My favorite artists are Prince, Luther Vandross, MJB, JILL SCOTT, Babyface, and Fred Hammond to name a few…

5. My favorite pastime is …is it sad that I don’t have one that I can mention? I guess now it would be reading blogs. I can’t seem to ever get enough of them.

6. I am most comfortable when I’m around close family and friends. I like company.

7. When I am stressed out or nervous I start rubbing in the back of my hair. I hate when I do it because people who are around me often have caught on to it and sometimes call me out on it.

8. I don't like back stabbing people! I recently became a victim of this and this I feeling hurts my soul. Especially since I’ve done nothing to the person who wronged me. ( OK Mica breath) sorry yall:-)

9. I am not a very good at lying. I learned that when I was a teenager, although my mom knew it all my life. I would start slurring with my words and talking like a 3 year old, Back when I was in high school & I didn’t know “Jesus” I would lie about skipping school and my mom would pop me in the head and say “STOP LYING” I didn’t understand how she would know when all she would ask me was “How was school?” lol

10. My indulgence would be potato chips. There’s this brand made here in my city called Per.les Salt and Vin.e.gar. I just LUV’em! I can’t have them tho cause I’m cutting back on my calorie in-take.

New Year, New Me

2007-01-09T16:35:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone brought in the New Year happy, healthy, and safe. 2006 ended wonderful for me I spent it with my James; we had a nice time together. I wanted to post before 2007 started but there’s always 2008 ;-)

I look for 2007 to be the beginning of the most excellent years of my life. I'll be 30! Even though 2006 ended great for me it wasn’t the best, but with that I have something better to look forward to.

The only new years resolution I’m going to make is to become a full fledge Bond Grrl:))) Even though I haven’t posted on my own blog I have been lurking others’ sites. I have been so inspired by my blogger friends to do new things and here is where I’ll be posting all of my inspirations. So look out for me because I’m going to be one bond grrl that can’t be stopped.

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR
LUV YA
BE BLESSED IN 2007

~Mica~

29th Year

2006-11-09T08:36:00.000-06:00

It's my Birthday!!!! Yess, Yess y'all And You Don't Stop Mica's In The House & Ya Don't Stop!(me singing. heehee) I'm really happy about it too :-) I turn 29. I almost was going to post about my last year being in my twenties and how I'm going to party like it's 1999! I think I'm going to party like that, but not complain about being 29. It's just that I have been receiving so many blessings within the past month(how can I complain) I feel like this is the beginning of a great year to come.

First off, I got a promotion!!! Somebody say HALLELUJAH! It's a great position, a lot more work and responsibilities, but a whole lot more $$$$! My co-workers are very nice and my boss is a hard ass, but a softy too so I think he and I will get alone great. The one and only thing I will really miss about my old job is the unlimited blogging I was able to do. Man I miss reading my blogger friends sites everyday. BUT, now I can afford the internet at home. (doing the running man)

My daughter is doing so much better in school, my James and are doing great. My family is healthy and life good. As for my birthday today I don't know what I'm my James has planned for me this evening. He's into the surprise thing but I'm sure we will have a nice time. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

One last thing before I get back to work. I wish I knew how to post pictures here cause I'm looking mighty fabulous today. I'm feeling quit like a bond girl today. I'm Bringing Sexy Back! Yea! (me singing again)

~Mica~

Truth or Dare from Xavier

2006-10-06T10:02:00.000-05:00

I choose Truth.

In blog land many people are playing internet truth or dare. Xavier over at Lovers Anonymous (see link) is playing this game and a lot of people are joining in. I wanted to play, so you know since I'm only a "baby" bond grrl I was to chicken to pick dare. Xavier has been reading up on me (so cute) and gave me a great one.

You, Ms. P, Pink and E-z have all been chosen as finalists to audition for the lead role in the next Bond movie. You have all come very far together to even make it to this point and you all should be proud of yourself. You also know that none of you would have gotten this far without the mutual support you all have given each other. But you also know that only one you will get the part. You wish each other luck and each of you give 100% in their audition. When the decision is announced, you learn that of the four of you, you are the first one eliminated. The suspense is palpable. Please tell us truthfully and in detail which of your friends you think is going to get the part & why.

As you know I'm crushed that I didn't get the part and to be eliminated first is appalling. Especially since I secretly got extra bong grrl tips from Solitaire=) I suck it up though, and tell all three of them good luck. But in the back of my mind I know who will be the best grrl for the part. Pink. Even though they all have some bond grrl qualities let me tell you why my other two wonderful friends aren't that lucky. Ms. P is what we call the "eek grrl" she is very dainty. She wasn't able to swim through swap waters and parachute out of an air plane to get James away from his nemesis Ernst Stavro Blofeld... Now e-z would probably end up with the role as one of the grrls that try to destroy James because once she found out that James wasn't going to be around after the love making and adventures she was pissed!!!

So you have it, Pink would be the best bond grrl. Because even though Pink has her own life as a lawyer, mom, house keeper, sister, and friend, she'll be there to pick him up (after he got in too deep with the enemy agents) in her new Porsche, her pistol on her side ready to "ride or die" for her boo James. You see I've seen this happen with Pink first hand. She has literally "bail" her James out of so many problems. She's been in some situation where I couldn't do anything but shake my head and pray for her, because I would have lost my mind behind the things she had to face.

If the part went to her I couldn't do nothing but give her a big hug cause she definitely deserved the part!!!

Thanks-Xavier that was fun!

~Mica~

rambling about moving

2006-10-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

I talked to my James about buying a house last night. The conversation went a little like this:
me: When are you going to buy a house for me and baby doll?
james:What??
me: When are you going to buy a house for us?
james: You asked that question wrong you shoulda said, When I'm I going to buy a house that you are going to contribute to?
me: Yea, When are you going to buy a house that I will contribute 15% to?
silence
james: Yea go ahead and laugh.
me: bahaahaa

He goes on to tell me that he doesn't want to rush into buying anything. He can't see himself paying $$$ for a mortgage even if he can afford it. He has been hearing that interest rates are getting ready to drop so he's waiting for the right time. All in all it doesn't sound like he going to buy one in the time I've set for my goal. Now I can respect what he saying since I can't contribute to the financial process of buy the house. (I will be able to help purchase appliances, furniture ect. but that's about it in the beginning.)

I just think that because of his living situation re: still living w/momma & can come & go to my place anytime he well pleases he's comfortable(having his cake & eating it too) and doesn't feel the need to get up and go. But my situation is different because my rent is "high as hell" let alone with all my other bills. I'm not comfortable and feel very depressed when I think about it. My delima is I don't want to move because the school district is good and I'd hate to take my baby away from her friends. Even though I'm really living from check to check and the little money that I'm able to save aint worth talking about.

I said all that to say I need to move and I don't think he's considering that when he makes his moving plans.

I haven't told him about the goals I posted and maybe I should. I thought about moving home with my mother, but that wouldn't work b/c ...well just because. I didn't want to get another apartment cause it would be just a waste of money to me. So what do I do? Tell my James that he needs to put a rush on that house or just keep living like I'm living...very unBond Grrl like????

~MICA

It's Been a Long Time

2006-09-15T13:14:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in a long time, I know. I haven't had to much Bond Grrlish stuff going on...I guess. I know I should since S isn't the only one reading my blog now:-) So I'll do some bond grrl stuff this weekend and report back on Monday. In the meantime:

today is my MOMMY'S birthday!!!
Happy Birthday MOMMY!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

& my Bond Grrl MOMMA is Getting Married Saturday!!!!
Congratulations on your wedding!!!
James & Solitaire

~Mica~

GOALS

2006-07-28T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have them, goals! I've kinda set some before ( married by 30 to a b-ball player , big house, millionaire by 40 those unrealistic things), but not any with timelines and dedication to achieve them. It was 4:51 a.m. after... well let just say 45 minutes of ea.r.ly morning luvin'.

My mind was just going! I was restless and had so many thoughts on my mind it was kinda of scary because I was beginning to think I was having a nervous break down or something. I wasn't having sad or angry thought but I was rambling in my mind. I mean I planned my best friends wedding, figured out things to do in Wisconsin Dell's this weekend, decided that I would marry my James, got Saved (recommitted my life to God) and much more all between 4:51a.m. & 6:24a.m. Ok sorry for getting off track but....
I have goals and I really want to reach them during the time I prayed for.
So this is my timeline: I'll be 29 this year 2006. In 2007 I want for my James and I to buy a new home, we pretty much know the area we want to stay and the amount that we (he) can afford to spend on a mortgage. And I've told him about a First Time Home Buyers program that helps you with the process and assist with down payments in our area. At that time I would also like to at least get engaged to him so I wont be "living in total sin" showing God that we DO plan on marrying one day:-)

Ok, 2007 house and settled in, 2008 get out of debt! For real! I talk about all the time and have paid down some of it but I swear I feel like I'm falling deeper in it.

2009 Get married. We've been together for 2 years now and by then it'll be 5 so I think that's very much enough time for us to figure out if we can make it together the rest of our lives.

2010 Get my Masters Degree. I know by that time I should be working on my Doctorate's by them, but that will be the best time for me to get it. I really feel that my calling and/or passion is to teach. I knew it when I was in school but I fought it. Accounting is ok but I don't loovve it. By the time I'm 35 I pray to be living very comfortable and working really hard on college tuition and our retirement.

Those are my goals and I'm sticking to them! I already know that I wont and can't accomplish them without the help of my Lord and Savior. I have really been avoiding the closeness I have with my Father mainly because of my sinful ways but I'm back and I need to get that bond back. I know that my Bond teacher is 'prolly' asking about my short terms goals i.e. clutter in the home, closets... and YES, I'm going to work on them but it'll take the rest of my life to get them closets together for real!! lol

Now do I tell my James about these goals or just work on them myself and hope that he's on the same page re: marriage as I am?
Well, like I said my James is taking the family to Wisconsin Dells for three day! All expenses paid! How fun that's going to be. I just told my baby doll today we were going and it brought her to tears! She's so emotional :-)

It's Friday! Do the Friday Dance!
~Mica~

Crazy and Deranged UPDATE

2006-07-25T15:36:00.000-05:00

On Sunday there was two shootings in my state where a "sniper" was on a highway overpass and murdered one man and wounded another. There has been alerts for drivers to keep watch on this highway, and might I add, I travel it EVERYDAY to get back and forth to work. The shooting were further south towards Indy so although I'm vigilant I wasn't too concerned until my James called me this morning. How about he 'the sniper' has come up here and shot at another car on the same highway that my James takes to go to work everyday!

You talking about someone being paranoid now. ME! I had to pick my daughter up from summer school this afternoon and I had her damn near laying on the car floor as I flew down the highway. ~hump~ Can't be to safe.

Now that I think about they better catch him because the spot where he was this last time is the real "hood" and he'll end up getting shot. Although that's not a bad thought.

Just wanted to share with you the craziness around these parts of Indiana.

~Mica~

They caught him! The BOY (17 years old!) was caught Tuesday afternoon after a tip from someone he knew he also confessed. He was charged with murder and attempted murder. As for the shooting in my area it was a copy cat. The person shooting off the highway where my James goes to work was not caught yet. I hope the police investigate that one like they did in Southern Indiana.

From Blogthings...

2006-07-21T16:21:00.000-05:00

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?
I'm a ... Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt. You are also pretty picky about what you drink. Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do.Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way!

Well, It's Friday and that'll be my drink for tonight ;-) Bicardi and Cranberry that is.
Have a wonderful and safe weekend!!

~Mica~

I'm Here

2006-07-13T08:51:00.000-05:00

I'm suppose to be in HOTLANTA right now. BUT nooo one of my best friends had to quit her job and get depressed and not want me to come down there right now. So I'm here at work listening to my complaining manager's voice about her man, her weight, her boss, on & on & on....

Anyway, I'm doing fine maintaining my Baby Bond Grrl static. My Baby Doll's birthday is this Sunday. I'm giving her a surprise pool/slumber- party. It's a Mary Poppins theme, with the whole *supercalifragilisticexpialidocious *theme. You have to know the movie to know that word, but it is spelled right:-) She's a old soul, her grandma said she's been here before. She loves old movies, Shirley Temple is her favorite I think she has all of her movies on DVD. She can sing any ol' school blues song & songs from the 70's. She'll be nine. I must have been a HOT MAMA cause I'm only 2.1!
Yeah ok I feel like it tho!!

~Mica~

Is changing a tire part of being a Bond Grrl????

2006-06-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

Cause if so I wont be a Bond Grrl!! If you get to know me really well you would figure out that I am the biggest "nerd" ever. Not the book smart kind either! Yesterday, my James was changing his car tires and I offered to help (he's very capable & I wanted to show him the Strong Bond Grrl side of me). So, I watched him change two tires and I was ready to go. He jacked the car up for me and I preceded to loosen a nut? bolt? one of those things, but it was on very tight. He offered to loosen them up but I refused to let him. I felt like I go to the gym pumpin' iron 4 days a week I should be able to do this. LONG STORY SHORT. I cut my hand on the tire rim and now I have two stitches in my hand!! Man did that shhh hurt. I had to sit in the emergency room for about 5 hours and my James said something to totally P'ed me off', "Baby just stay sexy I don't want you masculine too." F--- you!!
It was kinda funny when it happen cause I wouldn't let anyone see it and I was running around the house laughing and crying. You had to have been there:-)

Lesson learned... As long as there are men in the world I don't need to know how to change a tire.

~Mica~

Happy Juneteenth Day!!!

2006-06-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

Though the Emancipation Proclamation had taken effect on January 1, 1863, it had little immediate effect on most slaves' day-to-day lives, particularly in Texas, which was almost entirely under Confederate control. Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day Union General Gordon Granger and 2,000 federal troops arrived on Galveston Island to take possession of the state and enforce slaves' new freedoms. Standing on the balcony of Galveston's Ashton Villa, Granger read the contents of "General Order No. 3":

The people of Texas are informed that, in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all slaves are free. This involves an absolute equality of personal rights and rights of property between former masters and slaves, and the connection heretofore existing between them becomes that between employer and hired labor. The freedmen are advised to remain quietly at their present homes and work for wages. They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts and that they will not be supported in idleness either there or elsewhere.

Today Juneteenth commemorates African American freedom and emphasizes education and achievement. It is a day, a week, and in some areas a month marked with celebrations, guest speakers, picnics and family gatherings. It is a time for reflection and rejoicing. It is a time for assessment, self-improvement and for planning the future. Its growing popularity signifies a level of maturity and dignity in America long over due. In cities across the country, people of all races, nationalities and religions are joining hands to truthfully acknowledge a period in our history that shaped and continues to influence our society today. Sensitized to the conditions and experiences of others, only then can we make significant and lasting improvements in our society.

Random Thoughts

2006-06-19T13:40:00.000-05:00

With Father's Day being yesterday, Happy Belated Father's Day to all the fathers.. Since I don't know my pops and Badydoll's father is a LOSER and I was too broke to get my James a gift I wasn't too much into the day. I didn't see him till the evening and we watched the Miami vs Dallas game; I did get him a card and a Father's Day picture frame with two pictures of him and his sons in it. I kinda felt bad about not getting him something but he knows I'm broke, I mean between blessings. I couldn't even afford a $30 polo, and my sister and brother wouldn't give me any money to buy one for him. They said that if he wanted something he shoulda given me some money... And on him giving me money. I'm just about living from pay check to pay check. I'm getting a percentage taken out and put in a savings account, but other than that I sometimes don't have enough money left over till my next pay. Which brings me to my issue. I need my James to start helping me out with some of my expenses and I need to know how to tell him without an argument. We usually had one when we used to talk about money. I don't talk about it anymore. He doesn't think that he should have to "help out" women he date, it's not "his place", he don't either. You would think that he sees the woman he loves refrigerator empty or her riding on E in the car he would feel compelled to help a sista out. That's not the case with this cheap man. Besides the usual pay for movie, dinner and/or occasional outfit, I can't get him to come out of his pockets for nothing. Now he says that he would provide for his "wife" but I feel like you got me playin' "wife" layin' up in my bed, eatin' the lil food I prepare and driving just as much as your a$$. Why not me it not like I'masking you to pay rent (whick he has) or NIPSCO or nothing. (Excuse me I was venting :-P) But he and I gotta rediscuss money issues soon.

Anyway... I have (had) a crush on a guy at the gym. He's in shape (of course) and a cutie. YOU know I wouldn't pursue anything IlovemycheapJames. I don't know I just get memorized when he comes in the gym. I've lost concentration on occasion watching him workin' it out. lol Today, I was watching my boo (stalker) out the coroner of my eye (stalker) and I was thinking that I know him from somewhere. Maybe we were lovers in my past life. (heehee)Really I was thinking either he went to the same High School as I or he used to work with my Baby's daddy. Well he must have felt me stalking him cause when I starting to run on the track our paths crossed and he asked me if I went to said High School and that is where we know each other. Our conversation was short I heard his voice and when he spoke my crush on him died:-( I guess it was the mystery of not knowing him and imagining soooo many things about him...whew

I have been working here for 1 year this month and I am not at all excited about it. I miss teaching and having vacations like the Christmas, Spring, & Summer breaks. Plus the people here suck!

~Mica~

Baby Bond Grrl Duties

2006-06-14T14:27:00.000-05:00

I've been on a blog laps. I haven't had much to blog about lately and I've been enjoying reading others' blogs. But I'm not fulfilling by Bond Grrl duties and I have to get back on track. I've been reading Solitaire's postings so that I can at least know (if not act on) my Bond Grrl duties. I have to admit that my closet is not clean & nothing else in the house for that matter. I haven't written down any goals either. & I realized that I don't have any goals. I mean I want to get out of debt and live comfortable financially but I don't have any goals to get there. I am practicing being "Invincible".

Catching up. ...I'm still on this 2 weeks to a smaller waist diet I've been on it since the first of May. I didn't measure my waist at the beginning so I don't know if it actually works. I do enjoy the cereal (fruit & yogurt) so I've just decided to eat it for breakfast and lunch. I figure it's better than B-King or Mickey-D's for lunch everyday. My babydoll is doing alright. She completed 3rd grade and has been promoted to 4th. She was so happy when she read that on her report card. I'm still planning on taking her to Atlanta for her birthday in July. One of my best friends live there and we haven't been to see her since 2002. My James is doing ok too. He's really humbled himself since his last incident with the law.

I have to get myself together if I wanna continue to be a success of the teachings of the wise Ms. Bond Grrl. wink wink

~Mica~

2006-05-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day was very nice. One of my sisters and I went to my mother's house and sat with her all day. We watched a movie, Big Mama's House ate dinner provided by The Outback Resturant, cleaned up her house and massage her feet. I think she enjoyed it. I sure did :)) It was nice and quite. Our children were with their daddy's people so we weren't running after our lil' rugrats!

This week is a must see TV week! There are about 3 or 4 finales coming on that I MUST see. I don't know how I'm going to do it, I think my babygrrl is going to have to miss choir parctice and youth fellowship at church (forgive me Lord). It started yesterday with Grey's Anatomy( the best show on tv!), It's be back on tonight with a 2 hour special. Then I can't miss Alias, Will & Grace, America's Next Top Model, and American Idol, all have season finales. And then there's the basketball playoffs to watch, but I have to go to my James house to watch them b/c I have no cable. Can't you tell??? So I'll just get the scores from him during the commercial breaks of my shows.

Enjoy the rest of your Monday! I will soon as 8 pm hits:-))))

~Mica~

Happy Monday!!

2006-05-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

It's Monday! I made it to work, don't know if I'm gonna do any, but I'm sure I will. Well right now I'm listening to Mary J. Blige's latest cd trying to get some inspiration to do something. All I'm really doing is singing (off key) loud disturbing the ladies in my office. (smile)

I had a nice weekend, the weather here (Chicago land area) was good. It was family weekend meaning this was the weekend when my James gets his sons and we (including my babygrrl) usually go bowling, swimming or to an arcade and hang out. We didn't do that this weekend though, which was cool he did his thing with them and I did mine with Ka. She got her hair braided and we just took it easy all weekend. I did go to my mom's house cleaned up and talked with her all day Saturday and Sunday. Church was good too.

I did see James this weekend in the evenings. He spent the night with me and we watched a couple of movies while he had a drink. you should see me twisting lips as I type. I guess he's feeling better about what happened two weekends ago (previous post). It was cool with me; I knew he wasn't going to stop drinking I just want him to slow down.

Oh, today is our 2 year anniversary. Yes, that's a long time for the both of us. I haven't been with an other man past a year except for Ka's dad but that was high school. And I don't think he's been with anyone past a year either. I've been trying to make a big deal about it, but I don't think he's paying any attention to me. I was going to make dinner tonight, but I changed my mind. I want to go out but he's been crying broke for the past two weeks. I got a cd made for him and I brought a .99 cent card. I might give it to him I don't know. He did kiss me this morning and said happy anniversary...that was phony.

I'm planning a trip to go to ATL in July for my daughter's birthday. One of my best friends live there and I haven't been there since 00'. It's funny because the last time I went it was Black Gay Pride weekend, and I never seen soooo many black FINE brothers in one place who didn't look my way. The ones that did were rolling their eyes at us. lol I brought that up b/c I just thought about getting our tickets and I don't have the cash for them now. Well Mary's cd is almost finished I'm feeling like Jamie Foxx now.

Time to do some work.

~Mica~

Flava of Love

2006-04-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

1)Are you in a relationship or single?
In a relationship.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Career-no, everything else –yes

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Yes, I’m about sure I’m with the right person now and I did fall fast.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes.

5) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I really don't know. I’ve done it before when I was younger, but I’m would hope not since I am now older and a lil wiser.

6) Do you want children?
I have one, I don’t want any more.

7) How many?
I’m happy with the one I have and the two (future) step-kids

8) If somebody liked you right now, would you get with them?
Depending on the somebody. Denzel, yes; T. Hunter, yes; Method Man, yes.

9) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
I don’t necessarily play, I am hard to get.

10) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Definitely.

11) Are you romantic?
YES! I’m always trying to coming up with something romantic for my man.

12) Do you believe that you can change someone?
Yes, if they are willing to be changed.

13) If you could get married anywhere, where would you go?
A beautiful warm island.

14) Fuck buddies - good or bad?
Good, as long as both parties understand what that means.

15) Do you easily give in when you are arguing?
I think I do, just to get out of the argument. I hate to argue.

16) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not?
Yes.

17) Have you ever wished you could have had someone but you messed up?
Yes, not because I messed up…

18) Have you broken a heart?
Unintentionally, yes.

19) What would happen if you came home and find another person in bed with your gf/bf?
Lose my mind! Depending how I feel about my bf at the moment I might start shooting or stabbing.

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Yeah. Only because I have. I was only 16!! But, now it depends on the situation and how the other woman was acting.

21) What would you say to all your ex's?
I hope all is well with you.

22) Do you feel some relationships are worth holding on to?
Definitely!

23) Who was the last person to kiss you?
Romantic kiss? Ro. Other wise my God ma-ma.

6 Months: All I have to show for it is a baby belly!!

2006-04-28T15:23:00.000-05:00

I've been going to the health club for 6 months now and all I have to show for it is a belly that looks like I'm about 3 months pregnant. I haven't lost any weight, but I was contributing that to maybe turning my fat into muscle. Although, I have noticed a lil' cut in my arms and legs my stomach is showing no progress. I must admit I haven't been doing any dieting with the exercise, I've been eating any and everything I can get in my mouth (that didn't come out right :0). So, since my James wont pay for me to get a tummy tuck and I can't afford to pay for one I guess I'm just going to have to do it the ol' fashion way. I'm on a diet, no more Mc D's fries; they got me in this mess in the 1st place. I really want to have legs and stomach like Mary J. Blige and arms and a back like Angela Bassett :-D

Starting MONDAY!

singing... Just Got Paid..Friday Nite..Party hunting.....
I don't know what my James is going to do since he doesn't drink any more (yeah right). I'm having me a drink!!!

Have a blessed, great & safe weekend!!!!

~Mica~

ON A HAPPY NOTE: PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!

2006-04-27T16:02:00.000-05:00

I don’t know where to start. Last night I had a wonderful time in the Lords house!!! I can’t begin to tell how filled with the Holy Ghost I was. I’m a church go’er and I love the Lord and believe that Jesus died for my sins. I confess that I don’t attend Bible Study or Sunday School, but all of that is going to change now.

Last night was our church’s revival, and what a revival it was!!! We had an Elder out of Tennessee come and delivered the Word to us. He preached out of Joshua 10:20-25 “Putting Your Foot Down”. He preached that Joshua was the successor of Moses and God told him, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” There was a war that broke out and 5 kings’ armies came against Joshua. He fought them and won killing all of his enemies and having his captains put their “feet upon the necks” of the kings. Well, he preached a good Word, but he made some very profound statements that really “touched my soul”; He said that Joshua was getting in a little trouble and began to pray to God. He prayed a prayer that was never prayed before, and God answers prayers that have never been prayed. So while they were in battle the “sun stood still and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies". The EARTH stood still!!! So that they could get rid of their enemies. He will do the same for you and me.

I’m saying that I have faith that God will help me defect my all my enemies. I just have to stay strong and have courage. Put my feet on the enemy. Whoa, I’m revived! That’s not all, the Pastor laid hands on me and I felt the Holy Ghost come thru me. It was wonderful!!

So, how did that sermon affect my life? Well, I’m so unhappy with my job. It’s mainly because of my co-worker. There are six women that are my enemies. They didn’t like me coming in the door and since then they’ve been telling lies and doing anything they can to get me fired or make me quit. My job performance is not lacking in any way, they just don’t like me because I don’t sit around gossiping about people and because I act and look professional. So, I have to destroy my enemies. I don’t literally mean do any bodily harm to them (although I don’t mind) but I have to work on me. Getting closer to God so that we can DESTORY all haters!!!

I hope this story makes sense to you. I'm not a good story teller:-)

~Mica~

Getting Bond out of Trouble

2006-04-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

This week is going by soooo slow!! It's killing me! I don't have an exciting weekend planned, I just want this week to end. I've been walking around with a pa...(that's what we call a pony tail for short hair) and I need my hair done. Looking a mess. I can't wait to see what my James is going to do this weekend considering what happened to him (us) this past one. Read about it later...

I'm still a baby bond grrl. I've printed Solitaire's exercises on being a bond grrl from her past postings and I'm studying them on my spare time. It's coming alone, just not as fast I would like it to.

(Side bar) I just went to my supervisor's desk to give her a report she asked for, and when I got there she's eating popcorn and reading a book. NOW this the same B--ch (good word just not lady like) told me that I shouldn't be reading books at my desk when I'm on down time because it doesn't look professional. I need a new job!! Cause I almost slapped her!

Anyway... like I was saying I'm looking forward to being an official bond grrl. Debt freee, happily married, with a daughter that's a very well known Fashion Designer (that's her dream not mine:-)))

I've being reading a lot of other people's blogs too. I think that's why I haven't been bloging lately. Some of these people write great stories about their everyday lives. And they are authors or aspiring to become one. I on the other hand am neither. I don't want to embarrass myself. (smile)

Now with me James. I broke up with him last Friday via e-mail. Crazy and childish I know. I'm not completely sure why I just read this one quote from another grrl's blog and just felt like it was talking to me. The quote: Never allow someone to be a priority when you are only an option to them.
I love it!! I just don't think it applied to he and I. So, he was pissed and we argued Saturday morning I didn't talk to him after that. Well, Saturday nite he went out with his buddies and had a few too many drinks, left the bar and got pulled over and arrested for OWI. How I found out...Sunday it took me forever to get up and get ready for church, I really wanted to go and pray about our relationship but I felt like the devil was fighting me to go. I got up and was pulling up in the church parking lot when my phone rang with a strange # on the caller id. I answered it and the man on the other line was talking all crazy and fast. I couldn't understand what he was saying so I was about to hang up, but then he said something about a tattoo that James has on his arm and that got my attention. He preceded to say he was in the county jail and needs me to come and get him!! I almost passed out :-o I didn't know what to do after that. I never knew anyone that I had to deal with in jail, I didn't know how to get him out. So I called the only person I knew personally that's been in this situation. My best friend's father he's been there done that :) He told me what to do and I got him out Sunday evening. Bond $2,000!!!His cash not mine!

Mind you we said some bad things to each other Saturday morning, but yet he calls me. Why because I'm his bond grrl:-))

So we are back together like nothing ever happened. I'm happy because I didn't know what I was going to do without my James. I don't think he will be taking a drink for a long time. He likes to have a drink or two on the weekends. What's he gonna do??? More importantly I'm really glad that no one got hurt!!

I told that long story because 1 I needed to tell someone and 2 Solitaire said that we (bond grrls) are there to BAIL our James out of trouble. She soo right about everything!!!

~Mica~

Catching up

2006-04-20T13:05:00.000-05:00

I just realized that I only write in my blog when something is wrong. I was going to post a couple of comments the other day when some things happened at work, and when I was upset with my James, but I decided not to. I really have to work on not complaining so much! I have so many great things going on in my life I should be posting them. I don't want my Bond Mamma to think that I’m just this almost 30 yr old grrl that can’t-get-right. I’m still working on being the Best Bond Grrl I Can Be. Still paying bills, raising my daughter, trying to get in better shape, and doing great being number 2. Oh! Most importantly getting a closer relationship with the Lord. (I’m going to list the top 20 great things about me and things going on in my life, at the end of my post.)

I have been in blog land though. I’ve read some of the most interesting blogs in the past few weeks. From authors, marines, artist and many more. They all have some very impressive lives, and it’s also comforting to read that they also have come across a bump or two in their lives and managed to keep moving on. That's inspiring. They also have nice looking blogs, with pictures, and music videos. I want to try something like that.

This weekend I’m going to touch everything in my house. Ms. Solitaire said that it’s time to get rid of all the things that aren’t in use and I don’t need. She said to simply touch EVERYTHING in your house from make-up to can goods. And if you don’t love it give it away. (I’m I right S.?) So this will probably take me 3-4 weekends, but I’m going to do it. I’m just scared that my house will be empty when I’m all done. (smile)

Mica’s Top 20 (not in any order)

1. I’m alive
2. Jesus loves me & forgives me
3. I have a beautiful, smart, healthy daughter
4. I have a roof over my head & food to eat
5. I have a job that helps me with # 2
6. I have a college degree (Accounting)
7. I have 3 best friends that I’ve known since I was 5yrs old
8. I’m the best friend that they have
9. I’m the best lover that my James has ever & will ever experience ;-)
10. I’ve seen a lot of my old classmates and I’m sooo skinner than them! I can’t wait till our 10 yr reunion
11. I have a very forgiving heart
12. I’m getting rid of that flab under my arms
13. My James has never (been caught) cheated on me
14. We’ve been in a relationship for 2yrs May 8th
15. Cellulite Sally is slowly but surely coming off my thighs
16. I’m a cutie
17. I can hold an intelligent conversation with anyone
18. I’ve been called sexy by some sexy men & women ;-0
19. My mom still takes care of me, and I also take care of her
20. I will be debt free in 5yrs

I could have wrote some more but I don’t want you to think I’m stuck-up :-)

~Mica~

What's up

2006-03-14T09:38:00.000-06:00

Not much is going on in Mica's life right now. "Slow Motion" which is better than "No Motion" . I had a nice weekend. My James has two sons that he keeps every other weekend. We take the kids to basketball games or fun centers and things like that. So anyway that's what we did, had our "family weekend". Yesterday was nice after work, the woman's fellowship at my church had a mini teaching session on mentoring. A lady (whom I just adore!) came and facilitated to the group on ways to mentor young ladies of our church. It was very informative. Mrs. W., is a Minister, Facilitator, Motivational Speaker to name a few things that she does. She was my Solitaire for about 4 years when I was my Pastor's Administrative Assistant. She kept me going when I wanted to give up. She had so much good advise about taking care of my daughter, working, not judging me and helping me get out of a very, very, wrong relationship with a very wrong man and staying committed to the church. I love her to death. I get so emotional when when I think about her and how she helped my young dumb a-- out. Like I've mentioned before I've been blessed to have had so many beautiful, intelligent women in my life.

Which now has me thinking...Will I need a Solitaire and/or Mrs. W all the rest of my life?
I'm I going to grow with the knowledge I've gained from these women? Will it be wrong for me to want to keep these ladies in my life indefinitely? I have to think about this a little more...

Three Letter Word

2006-03-07T15:09:00.000-06:00

My bond grrl teacher, Solitaire said that's she's trying a "30 ways in 30 days" exercise with her James to spice up her sex life. I told her that it sounded fun to me, maybe I'll try it too... Then it got me to thinking about something, the other day my James and best friend Ms. E were talking, and I don't know how they got on the subject but she told him that I was a "sex addict" he said he tried to clean it up and say that because my sign was Scorpio it's in me to like sex so much. The funny thing about it is, I've been told that before. If a person ask me my sign and I tell them Scorpio they (men) get excited and make sexual comments to me, such as "you're a freak". It doesn't bother me, I just take it as a joke. Laugh it off and deny it.

It's crazy because sometimes I feel that way. Addicted. Ms. E and I are always talking about it, the good and the bad. We compare notes without giving many embarrassing details about our sex lives. I never thought about being addicted to it, but the more I think about it I might be. But let me explain, I use the word "addicted" loosely. I'm not at an Eriq Benet level, (guy who cheated on Haley Berry) and like a person is to drugs. I just like it a lot. And, mainly with my James.

As for my James, I didn't think he noticed. I really try to be discrete about it when I'm with him. Trying not to lose all control when we are together:-) We've been together for almost 2 years and we haven't opened up to each other as I would like to, but I'm just going with the flow and letting him get more comfortable with his sexual side. I said "his" because I'm already comfortable with mine. (smile)

There's a song that Jamie Foxx has on his CD entitled "Three Letter Word" here's some of the lyrics:

Im startin' to believe, Something's wrong wit me,
Cause everyday, every night,
every hour, every minute
I'm thinkin' 'bout it
I can be at my job, in my car,
up in church And when I try to pray it off, it won't work ...
(Sex) All the time (Sex) On my mind
(Sex) Everywhere I go...
(Sex) It's stronger than any drug even love
S-E-X
LOL LOL LOL!!!!

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

2006-03-06T13:40:00.000-06:00

This past Friday I had an issue with a co-worker telling other co-workers things about my work performance that wasn't true and potentially keeping me from advancing with the company. I really wanted to curse the B--ch out because her and a couple of other women are always "hate'in" on me about my age, the way I dress and act at work. They even went so far to say that I'm dating a man in my office, which I might add, is all of 60 & gross!! I think that I should tell all of them off. Mainly because they are taking my "kindness" for a "weakness" and by laughing it off (Solitaire told me to do that) and ignoring it the "chicks" are going to keep "picking" on me. I know! I sound like my 3rd grader!(smile)

So, Solitaire saved the lady Friday. I was going to "whip" her after work in the parking lot. That's the ghetto grrl in me! lol She said LAUGH. Laugh it off, she puts it,"If someone where to say that you ate guinea pigs or that they caught you on a postcard doing the nasty with a donkey or something" what would you do? Would you get all "huffy" and "belligerent" and "defensive"? My guess (ok unless these sound close to home and you didn't want me to find out (smile)) is that you would just LAUGH them off. You'd smile, laugh, roll your eyes, say "man, can you BELIEVE that?" And you would be DONE giving energy to it. Because it would just be that crazy."

Solitaire thinks the women are jealous of my looks and intelligence. That might be true but I don't understand why. I mean I don't walk around the office like I'm a beauty queen or nothing and I think that all women especially women of color are beautiful. I have this conversation with my "James" all the time about women who he thinks are "not cute" or "unattractive", we go back and forth about many celebrities who are gorgeous to me and ugly to him. He said that I don't have good taste. I just see the beauty in everyone until they start acting ugly and then (like some of the women I work with) they look like "sole of my shoes" lol Well Ms. S, thank you for the compliments and the advice. As you can see I have a long way to go to get on your level as a bond grrl. Just don't stop working on me and I'm sure I make it.

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

2006-03-03T11:53:00.000-06:00

From 2001-2004 I taught 8th grade. It was one of the best jobs that I had. I'm thinking about going back to school to become a teacher. One of the students that I kept in contact with sent me this funny email.

*Thanks, Shay-Shay!*

1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.
2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.
3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.
4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN BOX"
5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.
6. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".
7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."
8. DON'T USE ANY PUNCTUATION!
9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.
10. ORDER DIET WATER WITH A SERIOUS FACE WHENEVER YOU GO OUT TO EAT.
11. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."
12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.
13. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.
14. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA AND PLAY TROPICAL SOUNDS ALL DAY.
15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.
16. HAVE YOUR CO-WORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK BOTTOM.
17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON! I WON!"
18. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"
19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER. "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."
20. SHARE THIS MESSAGE WITH 5 FRIENDS .... IT'S CALLED THERAPY!

VENTING

2006-03-02T10:43:00.000-06:00

I interviewed back in January for a higher job position with the company in a different department that I'm presently working for. I feel like the interview went well, I answered all the questions and asked a few questions to show my interest and knowledge of the job. I have all the qualifications that they are looking for, not all the experience but I do have all that the interviewer said she was looking for. I haven't heard back from them. I interviewed with three people and I sent them all excellent Thank you letters, I've left many voice-mail messages inquiring about the job and emailed two people to see what was up but, I haven't got an answer yet. I was told last week via email that it hasn't been filled but I wasn't told if I'm still considered as a candidate. Someone said that I should keep calling (bugging) them to show my interest but I don't think that's a good idea. So, here's my problem...

Last week sometime, I went into the break area and a group of ladies were sitting at the table talking about the job opening and while I was standing there waiting for the microwave one of the ladies said that they heard that someone in our office applied for it. (in this sarcastic voice) I didn't say anything to her about it because she probably was talking about me being that I'm the only one in whole office with a degree that qualifies. I didn't tell anyone that I went after the job and had an interview so I don't know how my co-worker would know. So I was thinking that maybe the people who interviewed me said something to my boss and in return she said something to them to keep me from the job. There is nothing she can say about me professionally because I do my job well! & I stay professional at all times (despite working with the most getto people I've ever seen!!) A lot of the ladies are jealous of me for reasons unknown to me and I think that she or somebody was just "playa hate'in me"! Or, I'm I being paranoid.

I don't know!! I'm all confused and depressed about it!! If I can get this job it will be the best thing for me financially. I'm so worth it and I know that I can be good at it. So why don't they hire me???!! I've prayed about it and I'm trying not to get discouraged but when will I FIND OUT???!!! That the part that really has me so paranoid! When Will They Let Me Know Something??!!

Best Friends II

2006-02-21T14:47:00.000-06:00

This morning Ms. P called me sounding half dead. I thought that she'd been with her "loser boy" again and he whipped her but he didn't. She told me that she's pregnant and guess who's the father. I didn't say anything at first but then I remember she just told me that she was on her monthly Friday! Not to mention she had a complicated pregnancy with his baby before, lost it and had to have surgery which I thought made it so that she couldn't have babies anymore. (That's what I was thinking) So I asked her about her monthly and her surgery and she couldn't give me an answer. Then I asked how that could happen if they were broke up? She said that it happened on New Year's Day when she was"trying" to make things better. She just called to tell me that so that I could help her find a clinic and go with her to get an abortion. She really have emotional problems that I think need attention.
I said all that to say I really want to get HER out my life!!I know I can't she's like family. But she is sooo toxic. I love her dearly but she is giving me grief that I just don't need in my life right now. I have my own issues.

2006-02-17T12:22:00.000-06:00

Thought for today:

"Wherever groups of women make connections with other groups of women…we are affirming a network of change." — Blanche Weisen Cook

DEBT DIET

2006-02-17T11:40:00.000-06:00

Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!

On today's Oprah Winfrey Show she has an America's DEBT DIET challenge. I missed the show because of work but I went on her website to get the information about the program. On the show there are steps that you can take to help with money problems. She has a contract and everything on the site with "Debt Diet prescriptions" prescribed by her experts. From what I read it seems a little tough. I have already started paying down my debt and now I have a connection with Oprah's show that might give me a chance to go on the show and tell the world how Oprah's Debt Diet and Mrs. Solitaire made me a debt free awesome bond grrl!!!
I've signed my contract and a line in the contract says that "I will lean on my family and friends and the Debt Diet principles for support..." this means you S!

Have a good day.

Best Friends

2006-02-15T15:30:00.000-06:00

I have 3 very best grrl friends. I love them all the same and they all serve the same and some different proposes in my life. We all grew up on the same block and know each other very well. Ms. P, I've known since I was about 4 or 5. Pink, I've know since kindergarten so say 5. E-z, since I was 11. So you can see why I call them all my very best grrl friends.

We all are doing pretty well with our lives career wise, on the relationship front I may the only one that has some stability (& you know what I'm going through so you can say that their stuff is messed up) in a relationship. Ms. P & Pink both have 2 beautiful children boy & girl. E-z none & she probably wont have any.

I just got off the phone with Ms. P and she's very depressed. She said that her life is in "shambles". I know why she said that but when she mentioned it I asked her was the kids o.k.?
"Yes."
"How the job?"
"Fine."
"Mom, dad, sisters, brothers?"
"Good."
"Health?"
"Perfect."
"Well what's wrong P?"
then she goes, "I hate John and I've been taking all my anger out on everybody and that's not like me!"
And, that's where the problem begins. She has this Ex that is the worst kind of man I've ever known. He's very abusive emotionally, mentally and physically . I mean if you see the short loser you would think that he's wasn't worth her even talking to from the beginning. They were together 4 years but from the start of the relationship she should have saw that he wasn't for her. Our first encounter wasn't pleasant because she came down to my mother's house crying with a black eye asking me to come and "talk to him" because he took some fuses out her car and she can't leave her mother's house. Well, I was already heated from the way she looked and was acting. So when I go over there, We start cursing each other out and all of that. Anyway, we never liked each other and that affected Ms. P and my relationship cause he didn't want her to talk to me. He and I have had altercations up to last week when she and I and another girlfriend went out for drinks and he showed up there (she called him) and he put his hands on her in front of me and I tried to beat his head off with the first thing I could grab. Anyway, I 'm rambling...

So, I'm trying to encourage her and tell her that she's such a great person that that man just wasn't the man for her and that God will send the one to her and to be patient. She just wont get him out of her mind, she says things like "he needs to change" and"she just wants him to do right". I think that her self-esteem is very low although she one of the most beautiful women around with a petite cute shape. She has dated professional baseball players, business owners, I mean she can get any man she wants but chose to want this ugly fool! I don't know what to say to her. I don't think she listens to me I try to talk to her very positive and let her know that she can get passed him but I think that she just don't want to listen to me. We've had some words before about him and I didn't say anything nice. Ms. P has issues deeper than John. When she was coming up she did have family problems with her father but I was just thinking that she could get past that and not want to raise her daughter in the same environment that she was in.

I don't know, I'm going on and on but I don't know how to handle this. She doesn't want to listen to me and her family is all f---ed up so they can't guild her on the right path. I just hate to see her feel that way about a man.

My Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T09:37:00.000-06:00

I had a really nice Valentine's Day. I spent the day with my James. It was really simple and fun. We exchanged gifts; he got me some smell goods, a pretty red & black teddy and a Movado watch. I got him a gift set of cologne, his favorite nuts & candy, his favorite drink Hennessey and edible panties. The panties were just a joke. I think he was willing to use them but I didn't let him. It's just that I've never seen any before and I wondered how they were made. They look like fruit roll-ups candy to me. I was going to hire singing telegram but he didn't come home from work in time. After we exchanged gifted we had dinner at a local restaurant which was nice but crowded.

I'm so happy that I don't have anything to complain about (well at least I'm not going to) with my James. I love him dearly and I hope that things do work out between us because we are good for each other. We both have our imperfections but I think they are things that we can live with.

I have to continue to work on my Bond Grrl self. I've almost perfected my walk and I have to tackle my closet again but in all everything is on the up & up.

So Proud

2006-02-10T11:13:00.000-06:00

I am sooo proud of myself and you would be too. I just paid off two credit card bills, brought current one and paid a bill for my mother. Those were the ones that had me stressing I have others that are important but you know...I have a long way to go but I got all my bill together and now I see what I owe. I told Solitaire that I would call a not-for-profit credit counselor to make payment arrangements for all of my bills. I haven't yet but I am this afternoon. I've spent a lot of money at one time that's not on clothes, but I feel such a heavy burden lifted off my back. And I'm not going to JAIL!!!!

I need to start using the bond grrl techniques that I was taught. I'm going to do more this weekend and report back to everyone how things are going.
-Merrid

quickie:
Last Saturday My James and I were on our way to the movies when a grrl in a BMW had on her license plate BOND GRL. He noticed them first. I thought it was so cute. I didn't say anything to him about it, I'm just glad I'm not the only bond grrl in Indiana. Also, the movie we saw was Something New with Sanaa Lathan & Simon Baker (cutie), a great movie!! 4 stars.

Financial Blessing

2006-02-08T15:40:00.000-06:00

I really, really, really, really need to get my act together. My mother just called me and said that I have a summons in the mail to go to court for a credit card. Now I don't even know what credit card it is. I haven't paid one or two in a few months but that's a little harsh to sue me for it now. Dang!! Why can't they wait till a sista get a little more money? I have all intentions to pay my bills, I'm just waiting on that better job, rich man, or lotto. Just kiddin'. I really need some help though. I have many ideas and I've read several books, and articles on how to get my finances right but I just don't have the money right now. I hate to tell people my profession when they know my situation.

Just how can an accountant not know how to handle her finances? I think the real reason is I'm addicted to retail. I've spent bill money on a new pair of jeans and shoes. Or, if I was a few dollars short on a bill I'd just spend it all on a new purse. Sad but true. But I'm going to get it right, I haven't been to the mall in months and I stay off e-bay. I'm going to work it out.

I'm waiting on my financial blessing.
merrid

Bond Grrl I Will Be

2006-02-02T09:25:00.000-06:00

Last night my dummy, immature, narrow minded, (I can go on & on ) James and I had and I'm not going to say a big fight about me being a bond grrl. He can't get past (what he say) "they are hoes" that we are beautiful intelligent, working, strong, independent, mothers, wives, women. He's sooo stupid!!! I told him not to talk to me any more about it and he got out the bed at mid-night and went home. (He went home, I made sure of that. But that's another topic. ) Now, you think I tried to stop him? NO, even though I have in the past. (I'm sure he thought I was.) He just doesn't' t understand that there are very important women in my life that I need/ have to help me become a better person and now I consider Solitaire one. He definitely needs a couple of mentors or role models to help him, because having a good job and great sex don't make you a man! LOL ; )

So, when I fist told him about when I met Solitaire and how smart she was, how she had good ideas about relationships and life in general and that we are going on Oprah one day, he went on about how I don't know that lady and in the movies bond grrls are stupid for James Bond and so on. He couldn't open his mind and look beyond the movie and put it in a real life perspective as to what we are doing for ourselves. And I don't know what's wrong with me because, when ever I try to explain it to him I get my words mixed up and I can't get it together. But, I know what it means to be a bond grrl in my heart and I am doing this to make myself a better woman and mother.

I e-mailed him this morning and told him a thing or two. Not just about the bond grrl issue but about some issues about our relationship period. I'm feeling like we have come to a stand still. We've enjoyed each other up to this point (2 years in May) but where is "it" going? I told him that I'm not trying to move him in or marry him right now, but where do we go from here? Is there a future? Or are we just going to cont'd to do "this" what ever "this" is? I doubt he even tells me, he doesn't talk about relationship much. At least he knows what is on my mind. If he comes back with a rebuttal I'll let you know. Have a good day! I feel better now. : )

merrid

i knew it!!

2006-01-31T10:00:00.000-06:00

I KNEW IT!! My Bond Teacher is married! Solitaire, aka Mrs. Bond Grrl got married in Hawaii this past December. Something told me that she was going to do it when she said that she was going there for the new year. I'm sooo happy for the both of them. They look like and act like the perfect couple. Her James seem to compliment her so well. I haven't had the opportunity to meet either of them but, from our conversations thru the blogs, they both have it all together.
I saw the wedding pictures and they are beautiful. She looked so happy. Now I know what it looks like to be 'glowing'. There was a lot of KISSING DURING the ceremony : ) and smiling. Solitaire is such a funny woman, she was doing a lot of laughing too, the wedding looked soo fun. And just like the perfect Mrs. Bond Grrl, she was well prepared for all situations. The pastor wasn't quite prepared for the wedding so Mrs. Solitaire had her trusty Blackberry with so that he could perform the ceremony.

So, now I'm back on this marriage trip again. I got on it a day before I saw Solitaire wedding pics. I don't necessary want to get married now but, I wanna know that I will one day. I know that my James is the one I wanna be with. I know that I'm the one that he wants to marry (I don't like this word) but, when???? I can't and am not going to sit around and wait 6,7,8,9 years!!!!

I'm starting to like this blog, and I'm getting comfortable with writing.

Congratulation MR. & MRS. Bond Grrl
May God Bless you!

2006-01-13T16:34:00.000-06:00

It's Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's weekend. For me and others a three day weekend. For me it will be much more. I'm going to take the day to reflect on the many great things he has done for me.
There are many celebrations in my area to celebrate his legacy and I'm going to participate in them. I have a responsibility to do so. I have the whole day mapped out and I'm looking forward to getting started.
I'm going to take my daughter to the liabrary and rent some documentaries on his life. She's young and her school mentioned him in their history books but I want her to learn more. I've listed some quotes that he has made. Enjoy. Happy MLK Jr. Day!

If physical death is the price that I must pay to free my white brothers and sisters from a permanent death of the spirit, then nothing can be more redemptive.
On learning of threats on his life, June 5, 1964

If you will protest courageously, and yet with dignity and Christian love, when the history books are written in future generations, the historians will have to pause and say, "There lived a great peopleÃ—a black peopleÃ—who injected new meaning and dignity into the veins of civilization."
From an address given in Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 31, 1955

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.
Martin Luther King Jr.
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.
Yes, I see the Church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.
There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.
No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be.
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.
Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and . . . when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress.
I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate.
If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

It is my hope that as the Negro plunges deeper into the quest for freedom and justice he will plunge even deeper into the philosophy of non-violence. The Negro all over the South must come to the point that he can say to his white brother: "We will match your capacity to inflict suffering with our capacity to endure suffering. We will meet your physical force with soul force. We will not hate you, but we will not obey your evil laws. We will soon wear you down by pure capacity to suffer."
One who breaks an unjust law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.
We who in engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
We have genuflected before the god of science only to find that it has given us the atomic bomb, producing fears and anxieties that science can never mitigate.
Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill-will.
I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised Land.

the big 3-0!

2006-01-10T11:48:00.000-06:00

I'll be 30 years OLD next year!!! How did I get so old so quick? What am I going to do? I wanted to be married! I wanted to be in my career making at least 6 figures! Just finishing up building my dream home! Three kids, a dog and cat! fairy tale ...but do able. I'm not nearly close to those things but, I do have one of the three kids with no more coming ever. (LOVE her dearly) Who's to blame? Me? Family up bringing? Society? The Man? I don't know??Probably no one. I have to get over it, it's not to late? Right?
I've been on this marriage trip for the past few days. I think it also came from watching Wedding Crashers (wanting to have a big party reception). Telling one of my best grrl friends that I HAVE to be married before I turn 30. Mapping out my wedding with one of my co-workers (the only one I like!). Already soliciting family for donations toward my wedding. Just all kinds of crazy things. :0
I had to snap back into realilty quick! I'm not ready for marriage. I'm to embarrassed to even tell my James about all my stupid debt, I'm not sure if I can even stay committed to one man let alone live with one and I don't know how my daughter feels about having another daddy. But my main thing is my debt. It sucks bad! I mean I'm not 20K in debt ( I don't think?) But I haven't even began to address the problem by talking to creditors, making payment or anything like that. I'm just ignoring their phone calls, praying that one day I can get right, hit the lotto or meet a rich man. Sad but true! I guess that why I'm a baby bond grrl. I have so much to learn.
My James will only be 28!! (I think I'm too old for him?!) He's a good guy. He has most of his priorities together. He's pretty good to me and my kid. His mature in some cases and in others he's a complete dummy. He's the first guy I really thought of spending my life with. So, we've only been dating for a year & eight months. I don't know if that's long enough to be really talking about marriage without scaring him off. Number one he's not the talkative type, I mean he talks very little. I think he's more of a doer. He shows his feelings through his actions. Which can be very difficult to deal with a lot of times. But I love the man.
I'm going to be 30 in a year. SO what, if GOD bless me to see it I will embrace it and hopefully I will be a better woman by then.

New Year New Bond Grrl

2005-12-30T11:32:00.000-06:00

Well today is my last day of work before the new year. I'm glad because I need a break from this place! I've been working non-stop since I was 15. (Well, I took off for about 2 months to birth a baby.) Anyway, I've done just about everything, fast food, work with the mental disable, the most prestige people in Indiana, retail, teaching .... just about everything. I had the honor to work with some of the most intelligent over 40 women in NW Indiana. I've learned so much from them on a professional and personal level. I said that I can't wait to be 40 so that I can have it "together" like them. Even with my new teacher Solitaire who I'm guessing is about 40 (she's so smart!!) I'm learning so much and again I can't wait because I don't think that you not the "bomb" till you reach that age. I heard the other day that 40 is the new 20.
Anyway, I been blessed up until now I'm finally in my career as an Accountant with for the government and I meet these bitter old excuse my french Bitches! I've never seen more miserable women in my life. Their always talking about each other. I've been told some talk about me but, I don't care because none of them know me and I don't say anything but hi and bye to them. My supervisor is in that mix. And our situation is different because she's bestfriends with my James' mother. I didn't get the job through her (my ex-James). We started off cool (I've been here only about 7 months) but then my James told me to be careful around her because she's said somethings about me to his mom. I know it's a lot of he said she said but..... I don't mess with her unless it's about work. Now she's mad because I don't talk to her about her loser, cheater, user James. So long story short she moved my desk and being the lil grrl I am I'm mad! I'm walking about with my lips polked out rolling my eyes. I need to get over it and I will next year. I'm working on being the best Bond Grrl I can be.
Happy New Year

It's Christmas Time

2005-12-23T11:42:00.000-06:00

I am a last minute shopper. Yes, I'll be out Christmas Eve still looking for that perfect gift for my love ones. It doesn't bother me too much I can hang with the crowds. Also, I'm making my James his favorite dessert (banana pudding) for Christmas. I hope he likes it, it's a surprise. FYI I'm not a Betty Crocker. We'll see! Wish me luck.

What ARE my Bond grrl adjectives???

2005-12-20T15:24:00.000-06:00

So my Bond grrl teacher said that I (we) need to come up with adjectives to "embody" my inner Bond grrl self. So for the past several weeks I've been coming up with some that describe me now and how I want be later in life. I haven't come up with many and some came from Solitaire. I tried not to use adjectives that describe how I look. I'm in a transition right now and I'm in between my phycial self right now. (did that make sense?) Here is my list:
Me now; overwhelmed, passionate, crazed, sensual, depressed, mysterious, clutter bug, confident, faithful, respectful....
I wanna be; savvy, sultry, happy, adventurous, aware....
I'm sure there are more adjectives that describe me and I'm going to do this exercise with one of my grrlfriends to see what we can come up with but, this is what I've come up with now. I have them posted in my cubicle at work to nurture my inner bond grrl.

Now I know that my adjectives are suppose to match my life style. And what I eat needs to be better, because I just had Mickie-Ds. I am trying hard to eat right but it's soo hard! : ( I admit I'm a an overwhelmed frazzed businesswomanmotherI'llmaketimeforsexpleasetouchmedidyoutakeoutthegarbage woman.

I went through my closet and drawers this past weekend and I'm embarrassed to say, but not all my undies match and I do have "granny period panties" but they are gone now. To my defense everything is basic black so I don't always buy matching sets. I'll work on that. My closet was a project in itself. I don't have a lot of clothes, my closets are just so small and everything is so cluttered. I tried to do the "black based","brown based, and the "blue based" (putting my clothes in a color catagory) but the only color in my closet is black and blue jeans! So I just rearranged what I have so it's not so cluttered. It's much better now!

My quest has only just begun, I know that I have a long way to go in hopes to be the Best Bond Grrl I Can Be.

Soul Searching

2005-12-14T10:44:00.000-06:00

When I first decided to begin this blog I had so many ideas of topics to write about. Now my mind is blank! I really don't know where to start.
It's Christmas time and it's depressing because for most people (including myself) it's about buying gifts for family & friends. This year I'm not making half of what I was last year, but I still have to purchase gifts for everyone. I have a problem with letting people know I'm broke. I don't know why, I just feel like I'm responsible for doing so much for everyone. But I have decided that I'm not going to let this stress me out. I'm going to take care of my daughter and that's it. If I have extra then I'll do extra. (sigh of relief)
I still don't know where to begin.

Bond Grrl, my last post I said that I'll speak more about being a Bond grrl and why every lady should be one. My teacher Solitaire said that Bond grrls represent feminine strength, beauty and resilience. They are strong-willed, smart, dangerous, elegant. "Timeless, intelligent and not naive." She said that, "...Confidence and feeling comfortable with yourself are very, very attractive attributes. And due to this confidence, a Bond grrl can (and does) do anything." I've always had a hard time trying to explain things to others (my word don't always come out right). But, Solitaire explains Bond grrls keys roles' they play in their James' lives, how to be completely in charge of her life, and finding out what she is passionate about and then pursuing that. Of course you know who James is?? James Bond??? We all should have one or wait for him to find us. http://bondgrrl.blogspot.com/

Well, I don't know if I explained what a Bond grrl is and I really don't know what this has to do with soul searching but I'm finished for now.

A New Grrl

2005-12-12T09:18:00.000-06:00

I'm starting my New Years Resolutions early. Some are: getting in shape, get my finances in order, be a better parent, be a better grrlfriend, a more understanding bestfriend and by doing these things become a BOND GRRL!! I read somewhere that it's hard to make new years resolutions and keep them at the beginning of the year. It might be better to set them when it's more convenient for you. Start goals when you know you have the time and energy to work on it. Also, set goals during a time frame that works for you. A year might not work so set shorter goals of 6 months, 3 months or maybe 1 month depending on you and what you want to accomplish.

I started my fitness program in October. It's coming alone...I haven't started on my finances yet. I think that becoming a better parent is going to take my life time. I can see a change in my James so, being a better grrlfriend might be working. As for being a more understanding bestfriend, if you had some of the friends I have(and knew their issues) you'll know that this too will take a life time! (smile w/luv)

With the help of Solitaire from http://bondgrrl.blogspot.com/, the founder of Double OH! Productions and fEmpowerment http://www.doubleoh.com/index.html I am going to complete my quest to be the Best Bond Grrl I Can Be.

Just a few weeks ago, I didn't know what a blog was. I've heard about them on the news but I didn't know how serious it was. You can get/give all kinds of info from all over the world with a blog.Pepole talk about what some may concider their most private lives. With that being said that's how I met Solitaire. She is very smart and gives a lot of good information about everything. She's the Bond grrl I want to grow up to be.(smile)

Next time I'll talk about who's a bond grrl and why we should all strive to become one.

There's a quote that I heard a time ago and it stayed on my heart. I think that no matter who you are and where you come from, this is a good way to think.

I don’t think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as someone who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself, and I had to make good.
Oprah Winfrey