Random Thoughts
With Father's Day being yesterday, Happy Belated Father's Day to all the fathers.. Since I don't know my pops and Badydoll's father is a LOSER and I was too broke to get my James a gift I wasn't too much into the day. I didn't see him till the evening and we watched the Miami vs Dallas game; I did get him a card and a Father's Day picture frame with two pictures of him and his sons in it. I kinda felt bad about not getting him something but he knows I'm broke, I mean between blessings. I couldn't even afford a $30 polo, and my sister and brother wouldn't give me any money to buy one for him. They said that if he wanted something he shoulda given me some money... And on him giving me money. I'm just about living from pay check to pay check. I'm getting a percentage taken out and put in a savings account, but other than that I sometimes don't have enough money left over till my next pay. Which brings me to my issue. I need my James to start helping me out with some of my expenses and I need to know how to tell him without an argument. We usually had one when we used to talk about money. I don't talk about it anymore. He doesn't think that he should have to "help out" women he date, it's not "his place", he don't either. You would think that he sees the woman he loves refrigerator empty or her riding on E in the car he would feel compelled to help a sista out. That's not the case with this cheap man. Besides the usual pay for movie, dinner and/or occasional outfit, I can't get him to come out of his pockets for nothing. Now he says that he would provide for his "wife" but I feel like you got me playin' "wife" layin' up in my bed, eatin' the lil food I prepare and driving just as much as your a$$. Why not me it not like I'masking you to pay rent (whick he has) or NIPSCO or nothing. (Excuse me I was venting :-P) But he and I gotta rediscuss money issues soon.Anyway... I have (had) a crush on a guy at the gym. He's in shape (of course) and a cutie. YOU know I wouldn't pursue anything IlovemycheapJames. I don't know I just get memorized when he comes in the gym. I've lost concentration on occasion watching him workin' it out. lol Today, I was watching my boo (stalker) out the coroner of my eye (stalker) and I was thinking that I know him from somewhere. Maybe we were lovers in my past life. (heehee)Really I was thinking either he went to the same High School as I or he used to work with my Baby's daddy. Well he must have felt me stalking him cause when I starting to run on the track our paths crossed and he asked me if I went to said High School and that is where we know each other. Our conversation was short I heard his voice and when he spoke my crush on him died:-( I guess it was the mystery of not knowing him and imagining soooo many things about him...whew
I have been working here for 1 year this month and I am not at all excited about it. I miss teaching and having vacations like the Christmas, Spring, & Summer breaks. Plus the people here suck!
~Mica~
posted by Mica @ 1:40 PM
2 Comments:
Had to laugh over the crush guy -- that's so funny really. It's always good to have some crushy-rushes, on the "look but don't touch" vein. :-)
Also loved the "between blessings" comment re being broke :-)))
I have to say one thing tho. I have this feeling, my baby Bond Grrl, that in respect of your James helping you out, this is the Universe "reminding" you that you got yourself in this predicament. Don't harsh on my words, I mean them with love LOVE LOVE.
What I mean is this. That dress, belt, latte, or whatever that you are back-payin' on, that is your car. Or your steak. Or your what-have-you.
This is the thing -- God loves us and gives to us....but we often "give to us more"! What I mean by that is that God gave us our health, and a job (though I will talk about that later). And...........do we stay within God's blessing and giving? Um, no. Because we run up DEBT. To me, what debt means is kinda sorta a slap on the bounty of God's grace. It's saying "I am so thankful for what You have provided to me....but it's not enough so I'm going to get my *ss summore."
AND THEN what happens?
We pay for-ev-ah.
See, when we are feeling "deprived" etc., that is actually the point where (pardon the mention) that Satan can step in, saying "yeah, man, God, he has been so UNKIND to YOU! You get yourself that somethin' sistah, He totally does not provide, no no, you go." And so we go, and there we are, in debt. Or drinkin'. Or just feeling sorry for our own darned selves.
See the thing is -- if we stayed within the current bounds of His Grace that he has given us -- we'd actually be fine. But we don't, because we are selfish and we are not thankful. And then, we pay for it. AND................don't harsh on my words............we want someone to bail us out because we got ourselves in a predicament.
I think about when my James and I were in our first years -- your words could have come straight out of my "mouf." No joke, I was all "Dang he has PLENTY of money, he comes out to my house, I cook him nice food, he stays with me, he should buy my groceries he is eating 1/2 of them anyway, and what about helping me replace my beater car??" And then, I actually really sort of got hit by a "vision," and it was of the above and God's Grace. And really my ungratefulness, because my complaints were due to my own darned self.
That was really when my world turned, that is for sure. I didn't make any more money...but I just held up a hand to Satan. Sort of like my post about having to downsize then downsize AGAIN -- I realized that I was STILL going out with my grrls for drinks and partying and racking up....whereas I could actually make my house such that we could go and just do there -- I could pay for ALL the wine/have good music/etc. on what I was spending on myself out. It was hard when I first did it but I was stone broke and one grrlfriend and I were supposed to do dinner -- I just had to call and say "you know what? I can't. I am broke and working on it. But if you bring a bottle of wine, I will get some fantastic munchies, and let's spend some time at my house and really talk, instead of talking 'over' club noise, etc." It was THE BEST decision -- b/c turns out she was broke too! We spent a lot of time talking about that -- she said I was so "brave" to have done that instead of just keeping going out -- I don't know about that, but I do know that when we see each other now, we actually still just do the same thing (her house or mine -- or we go for a walk together) -- and HELLO, I'm pretty much saving a Grant every time that we get together.
Another little comment -- when it comes to Father's Day. My dad is the bestest and still alive AND married to my mom (50 years!) We went over there for a BBQ. And you know what I gave him? I gave him a card I had MADE (I made it really funny actually -- I am an AWFUL artist, so it was hilarious because it was like I was like 10, I did it with crayons). Then, I wrapped up really nice 2 coffee table books that I had (that I knew he would love -- one on the History of Baseball, one on Michael Jordan), and one book I found while going thru MY books, that was his book when he was a kid -- it had his name in it, and 1945! He LOVED the presents. And the thing is, there is no reason for him to know that they were "recycled."
As for my James, he has a very bad situation with his daughter, so I didn't "go there" with him on Father's Day. But I have made up certificates for him for massages, "don't bug me" cards (sometimes, still, after 8 years, I pester him and this card says 'hand me this and I will take it as I LOVE YOU SO MUCH you are flling my space and I need you to be out of my loving sight for an hour' -- something like that -- e.g. it buys him an hour's peace but when I see it I actually laugh and so does he b/c of what it says), stuff like that.
The more "possessions" I (and my James) are getting rid of, the more I'm realizing that these kind of presents are the way to go all the way around. I just "re-gifted" to two grrlfriends who had bdays a couple gorgeous books that I know they would love -- I re-gifted a purse to another, and a whole BOX of books and 3 bags of clothes, to another.
As for the job (did I start that and stop writing?) - you probably are going to need your teaching certificate for that. But one thing to contemplate is working in Babygirl's school some. Or even working after, or being part of the PTA. I say that, because this will keep your "hand in" on the teaching and school side. If it's really where your love is, you gotta keep your hand in there, and consider your job (for now) to be the $ to "get" you there. Get you out of the debt, get you out of your bind, and then get you into school.
That's enough of my random thoughts.... :-)
What can I say????????? You're right!! I did get myself into many of these predicaments BUT I have been good lately re the dress, belt and what nots. When/if I do go out I make sure it's with someone who's payin'. BUT I still just feel like as a man he should contribute something and because you are right I wont mention it to him...yet.... heehehhe
I luv ya to much to take anything you say harsh. You are just "keepin' it real". lol Thanks for your random thoughts.
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